WorkRant...

From: "I've become a whiner"
Location: Home
Job Title: She'll know what to do

I've been miserable now in my job for 2 1/2 years now and I've become a person that I don't even recognize. I whine, complain, don't care what I look like, don't exercise anymore, don't enjoy life anymore, and have ultimately allowed these career issues to affect my health and depress me. I'm failing to see that I could use this as an opportunity to grow, to learn how to handle things with grace and dignity and then move on...but I just can't find my inner strength. Anyone who knows me would probably not recognize me these days. I am a fundamental GRITS (girl raised in the south), and rarely leave the house without having showered, made up my face, styled my hair and put on something that matches (accessories included). Its about lunch time now, and I'm still wearing what I slept in last night (I've also taken both the kids to school...yes I was in public). This is NOT me!

I am so tired of writing the same stuff about work. I've gone back through my (paper) journals several times and it amazes me how dependent I am on writing to get through the workday. What's sadder is that I have spent the last couple of years just getting through the workday - not enjoying a moment of it and wishing my worklife away. When will I ever decide what I want to be when I grow up? This is ridiculous - I'm no spring chicken. I just hate having to work - but I would be miserable if I didn't. I know, makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I probably need intensive therapy and medication. Being committed to a mental hospital would seem like a vacation.

I think it all comes down to me not dealing well with the consequences of some of the choices I've made. I think the choices have been the right ones, I'm just resenting the consequences. Here's an example - I could have chosen to put my career before my children and be at a much higher level now in terms of title/pay/challenge...I see this for an acquaintance who put career before family. She saw immediate results of that choice, and I'm a little envious. Maybe I'm having difficulty dealing with the consequences of my choice because I won't see immediate results in my children. I won't see the impact of building that relationship foundation until they are older.

So, I have some soul searching to do for answers on what is really going to make me happy in my career, and I need to stay away from allowing my career to define me as a person. I am not what I do. All this being said...Shall we get over it?